Love, do you wait for me, as I wait for you?
Do you hope as I hope, anticipating pathetically
day dreaming as a mentally ill patient
isolated in her mind.
Oh love, rescue me from my own insanity
tell me, I’m not insane, but sane
for I am waiting with a purpose
that my hope is not false and wasted
nor naive and childish
I want only a glimpse of your shadow
it warms my heart that you are near
or your voice calling to me so I can hear
and feel that I have nothing else to fear
for you have always been here
since the day I was born
till the day I die
you were always by my side.
Holding me as I cry
a blinded woman
searching for you
Love.

droplets of tears pitter patter on her window

The night sky is crying tonight

lightning flashes and thunder pouts

The sky has been crying for three days and four nights

flooding Ratchaprarop Road 

where cars have become riverboats

stalling in the dock of traffic jams

Where brown water splashes

on students’ white button shirts and blue skirts

soaked from head to toe in their school uniforms.

Yet. They are determined to catch a bus to school.

Vendors scatter for shelter

under umbrellas and plastic cover tents

salvaging food, trinkets, and clothes

Everyone is trying to survive.

Farmers in Chachoengsoa

Digging ditches

Building irrigation systems

Catching every droplet

Sustaining their lives

Miracle tears from the sky

enriching a once dry infertile ground

Now cultivate thousands of lives

having a choice not to work

in the congested pollution

high-rise towers, mega size malls, and massage parlors

reuniting families to stay in the province

The farmers look up

calloused tired hands embrace in gratitude

“Khob khun Pra Jao” (Thank lord Buddha)

Water is life

Let the sky cry tonight.

Rest her head on the pillow

tired from work

waitressing from 10 am to 12am

She doesn’t hesitate to dial home

Listening intensively

dial tone connects

distance temporarly

The seconds pass

20 minutes left

Phone card

Running out of minutes

The silent pause,

Click…

“Hello!”

“Gin Kao ruer young?” (Have you eaten rice?)

“Kid tuang nah” (I miss you!)

“ Phen dek dee nah loog”  (Be a good girl)

“Mah thong tam nang” ( I have to work)

“ yah long hai” ( Don’t cry)

She cradles her lifeline

Every night

Just to hear “Ruk Mah!” (mommy, I love you!)

Adopt a Quilt

It has been 15 years since the raid in El Monte

There were 72 garment workers

Only five stood audaciously in front of the City Hall

Reminiscing how they have survived

Through the smiles in their eyes

Seeing their stories being televised and honored

Their hands tightly griped the quilt they have sewn

Commemorating their liberation in 1995.

It has been 15 years, yet words of ignorance still lingers

among the mouths of 1^st generation aristocratic Thai business owners

Criticizing the garment workers

“They are unappreciative of their employers”

“At least it’s better than working in Thailand”

“They are lying and have shamed our Thai Community”

Denying the worker’s testimony of working 10 hrs a day

Getting paid only $7 dollars a month

“People invested in these illegal immigrants,

They needed to confiscate the passport incase the workers runaway!”

Excuses, lies, and illogical justification

Grants them the right to keep yapping

Without guilt

It has been 15 years,

Sutjai is a survivor

attending therapy session with C.A.S.T every week

working as a massage therapist.

She is a mother of two daughters

A grandmother of two grandsons

No deception

No scandal

No one’s word

Could ever deny

Her truth.

It has been 15 years

She looks back and never regret

Speaking out on behalf of the garment workers

demanding her rights as a human being

Believing and praying for justice

To smile again with hope

She would stand here 15 years later

A woman free of captivity

arrogant and bipolar

I couldn’t count how many times

we broke up just to get back together.

I question my reasons and sanity

Everyday, every night and every sunrise

She is so beautiful

Dreamy and wandaful

I couldn’t count how many times

She inspired me to be a better person

I question my worth and my importance to her life

Every morning, every breath, every now and then

She is so evil

Spiteful and conniving

I couldn’t count how many times

She drove me crazy with her righteous stubbornness

I question our relationship and our future

Every teardrop, every silent moments between us, every time we fight

She is so precious

delicate and strong

I couldn’t count how many times

We were there for each other

but I don’t question faith and destiny

Every time you leave, and every time we find each other again.

“I want to work,” he pleas.

Wanting to ease the needle-stabbing aches on her back and feet
standing all day selling ,“Kanom Kai Hong”( fried sugar donut balls) all day at the open market
Yet everyday his mother would tell him, “Go to school!”
Buts his little hands were strangers to the pens and pencils
He holds without the confidence to write his own name.
He pauses, afraid of being tease.
“You grew up to be a water buffalo!”his classmates taunted
He left the 4th grade, never to return.

But later in life, he learns
to hold a ranch, screw driver, and shovel
better than a pen.

10 years later, he grips tight to a steel wire hanger
Smacking down without yielding onto the flesh skin
Of his 7 years old, youngest daughter.
3 times the steel wire lashed, cut deep
scars, embedded in her repressed memories.
As he clutched the hanger coming down in midair
sudden reflections of childhood memories
a little boy in the temple school
dawn upon his youngest daughter.
“ She does not know how to read and write!”
He blames himself ,yet
he does not know how to teach her.
His hands surrenders to guilt.
One by one, each fingers
releases the hanger falling down onto the ground
He promise never to hit his daughter
Never again.

When his daughter turns 23 years old
ready to graduate from college
He told her this story
She sat silently trying to remember
All she can do is write down,
“You never said sorry,but I forgive you dad.”

 Mosaic sweet dreams and nightmares twinkle in the night sky

My fingertips attempts to trace the galley of constellations

Some illuminate brightly, others dimly fading as the forgotten stars

All glittering moments shines as shattered speck of seconds

Motion forward , forever, a continuum

 Living in the past and present till future arrives now

Despite the divine light of lessons learned

The girl who’s trapped in her woman’s body

Sees shattered glasses falling  from the sky

Sharp edges piercing through her mortal flesh

Inflicting mental wounds without one cut

Deep enough to kill, but…

I refuse to leave flowers for self pity

Not this time.

Glittering mosaic of regrets

Leaves a trail of tear drop shooting stars

Dissipating sorrow fade in hope

Tomorrow gives births

to moments, and chances

a beautiful christmas,  traffic, city night light

glittering mosic of a beautiful struggle.

I am no one’s angel

Pack your assumptions of first impressions else where

I refuse to be your angel

Pardon my temptations, I’ve forsaken you

 I am the fallen angel

Pleasure my insecurities of truth disguised as beautiful lies

I need you to see my demons, you are my angel

Pause the thoughts of possibilities for I am not ready

I want to be so much more than your angel

Push me off the cliff of your heart

I want to bleed as the fallen angel

Punish me for I’ve done you wrong

I’m sorry I can’t be your angel

Please remove the halo you’ve placed on my head

I am no one’s angel