Rubles of Broken Dreams

Rubles of broken dreams
Mount a lonely island on the emergency stretcher
Weary eyes are apprehensive
Afraid it’ll never open again

 

Brown wrinkle prune finger tips 

 Ball a fist and release, open hands

Stretch, nerves are numb of hope, 

Doubting fate he followed

As a wild water buffalo plowing

Into the futile future finding false hope 

Unredeemable dreams to the present

In time, where his time may be taken

Without ever saying I’m home.

Left hands embrace a t-Mobile phone

 Place over his heart. A precious music box

 That echo’s the melodious memories 

Embrace him from half around the world

Nostalgic cloud cast the tingling chill of loneliness

On his little island, homeless without love

 Hopelessness seize to grow

As the tumor in between his spinal cord,

paralyzing  his entire right side of his body

For 10 months unable to lift a knife 

Or a wok to cook and send money back home

To his only son, wife and aging mother

 

The Apsonsi  flap her wings over his eyes

And brought him sight of home 

Where the reflection of his face in his mother’s smile

Patiently waiting on his father’s rice field

She extend her hands to give  him a lotus flower  

But he is hostage of the human touch

Bound in chains broken dreams and debt 

Making her intangible, the  flower falls

Onto the his father’s land,

Only her tears water this land

And it is not enough to cultivate

Rice to fill their hearts full.

 

The Apsonsi flutter it’s wings to bring him back

Surrounded by water buffalo brother’s prayers

Embrace with worried eyes that shelter

The homeless man on his little island

Without his wife and child.

They see a mirroring reflection

Hopelessness under the wings of blessing

For his eyes opens to greet the loyal

Herd of brotherhood that reminds

Him of their fight to live for that chance

 One day, they will all get to go home.

With chains broken and justice served

Dreams piece to gether by hope 

 One day their heart will be fill

By the rice from their ancestraland.

 

 

Finding You!

Love, how did we get to know each other?
I swear, before you came into my life…I was fine!
You disappeared and all I can do is hope.
I hate waiting on you, but I can’t help it
I want you so bad, it hurts.
the fortune teller and the horoscope says
you will be in my life soon.
but, how long is soon?
A second, minute, or a freaken century?

Love, do you wait for me, as I wait for you?
Do you hope as I hope, anticipating pathetically
day dreaming as a mentally ill patient
isolated in her mind.
Oh love, rescue me from my own insanity
tell me, I’m not insane, but sane
for I am waiting with a purpose
that my hope is not false and wasted
nor naive and childish
I want only a glimpse of your shadow
it warms my heart that you are near
or your voice calling to me so I can hear
and feel that I have nothing else to fear
for you have always been here
since the day I was born
till the day I die
you were always by my side.
Holding me as I cry
a blinded woman
searching for you
Love.

the sky is crying tonight

Keeping a little girl awake listening and watching

droplets of tears pitter patter on her window

The night sky is crying tonight

lightning flashes and thunder pouts

The sky has been crying for three days and four nights

flooding Ratchaprarop Road 

where cars have become riverboats

stalling in the dock of traffic jams

Where brown water splashes

on students’ white button shirts and blue skirts

soaked from head to toe in their school uniforms.

Yet. They are determined to catch a bus to school.

Vendors scatter for shelter

under umbrellas and plastic cover tents

salvaging food, trinkets, and clothes

Everyone is trying to survive.

Farmers in Chachoengsoa

Digging ditches

Building irrigation systems

Catching every droplet

Sustaining their lives

Miracle tears from the sky

enriching a once dry infertile ground

Now cultivate thousands of lives

having a choice not to work

in the congested pollution

high-rise towers, mega size malls, and massage parlors

reuniting families to stay in the province

The farmers look up

calloused tired hands embrace in gratitude

“Khob khun Pra Jao” (Thank lord Buddha)

Water is life

Let the sky cry tonight.

Lifeline 1st draft

Na Jam,

Rest her head on the pillow

tired from work

waitressing from 10 am to 12am

She doesn’t hesitate to dial home

Listening intensively

dial tone connects

distance temporarly

The seconds pass

20 minutes left

Phone card

Running out of minutes

The silent pause,

Click…

“Hello!”

“Gin Kao ruer young?” (Have you eaten rice?)

“Kid tuang nah” (I miss you!)

“ Phen dek dee nah loog”  (Be a good girl)

“Mah thong tam nang” ( I have to work)

“ yah long hai” ( Don’t cry)

She cradles her lifeline

Every night

Just to hear “Ruk Mah!” (mommy, I love you!)

Adopt a Quilt

Adopt a Quilt

It has been 15 years since the raid in El Monte

There were 72 garment workers

Only five stood audaciously in front of the City Hall

Reminiscing how they have survived

Through the smiles in their eyes

Seeing their stories being televised and honored

Their hands tightly griped the quilt they have sewn

Commemorating their liberation in 1995.

It has been 15 years, yet words of ignorance still lingers

among the mouths of 1^st generation aristocratic Thai business owners

Criticizing the garment workers

“They are unappreciative of their employers”

“At least it’s better than working in Thailand”

“They are lying and have shamed our Thai Community”

Denying the worker’s testimony of working 10 hrs a day

Getting paid only $7 dollars a month

“People invested in these illegal immigrants,

They needed to confiscate the passport incase the workers runaway!”

Excuses, lies, and illogical justification

Grants them the right to keep yapping

Without guilt

It has been 15 years,

Sutjai is a survivor

attending therapy session with C.A.S.T every week

working as a massage therapist.

She is a mother of two daughters

A grandmother of two grandsons

No deception

No scandal

No one’s word

Could ever deny

Her truth.

It has been 15 years

She looks back and never regret

Speaking out on behalf of the garment workers

demanding her rights as a human being

Believing and praying for justice

To smile again with hope

She would stand here 15 years later

A woman free of captivity

Complicated

She is so complicated!

arrogant and bipolar

I couldn’t count how many times

we broke up just to get back together.

I question my reasons and sanity

Everyday, every night and every sunrise

She is so beautiful

Dreamy and wandaful

I couldn’t count how many times

She inspired me to be a better person

I question my worth and my importance to her life

Every morning, every breath, every now and then

She is so evil

Spiteful and conniving

I couldn’t count how many times

She drove me crazy with her righteous stubbornness

I question our relationship and our future

Every teardrop, every silent moments between us, every time we fight

She is so precious

delicate and strong

I couldn’t count how many times

We were there for each other

but I don’t question faith and destiny

Every time you leave, and every time we find each other again.

My Father’s hands 1st Draft

His mother’s hands push with force yet yielding with affection,
wanting her youngest son to go to the temple school.
He gently tugs at her sarong begging his mother on his knees

“I want to work,” he pleas.

Wanting to ease the needle-stabbing aches on her back and feet
standing all day selling ,“Kanom Kai Hong”( fried sugar donut balls) all day at the open market
Yet everyday his mother would tell him, “Go to school!”
Buts his little hands were strangers to the pens and pencils
He holds without the confidence to write his own name.
He pauses, afraid of being tease.
“You grew up to be a water buffalo!”his classmates taunted
He left the 4th grade, never to return.

But later in life, he learns
to hold a ranch, screw driver, and shovel
better than a pen.

10 years later, he grips tight to a steel wire hanger
Smacking down without yielding onto the flesh skin
Of his 7 years old, youngest daughter.
3 times the steel wire lashed, cut deep
scars, embedded in her repressed memories.
As he clutched the hanger coming down in midair
sudden reflections of childhood memories
a little boy in the temple school
dawn upon his youngest daughter.
“ She does not know how to read and write!”
He blames himself ,yet
he does not know how to teach her.
His hands surrenders to guilt.
One by one, each fingers
releases the hanger falling down onto the ground
He promise never to hit his daughter
Never again.

When his daughter turns 23 years old
ready to graduate from college
He told her this story
She sat silently trying to remember
All she can do is write down,
“You never said sorry,but I forgive you dad.”

Twinkling Mosaic Moments (Draft)

Intangible distance of time beyond a touch

 Mosaic sweet dreams and nightmares twinkle in the night sky

My fingertips attempts to trace the galley of constellations

Some illuminate brightly, others dimly fading as the forgotten stars

All glittering moments shines as shattered speck of seconds

Motion forward , forever, a continuum

 Living in the past and present till future arrives now

Despite the divine light of lessons learned

The girl who’s trapped in her woman’s body

Sees shattered glasses falling  from the sky

Sharp edges piercing through her mortal flesh

Inflicting mental wounds without one cut

Deep enough to kill, but…

I refuse to leave flowers for self pity

Not this time.

Glittering mosaic of regrets

Leaves a trail of tear drop shooting stars

Dissipating sorrow fade in hope

Tomorrow gives births

to moments, and chances

a beautiful christmas,  traffic, city night light

glittering mosic of a beautiful struggle.

The Absolute Silence of a Kiss Goodbye

The absolute silence of a kiss good bye

its the sound of nothingness

no future, no tomorrow, 

 a pause, a period, a….

 kiss on  your lips marking our ending

that has yet been given its beginning

 

The absolute of “ Never again”

aroused my wonders clinging onto your hands

“Don’t go, but please go now…”

 to ease the tears you’ve cried  

 you tried so hard but 

I did not try hard enough

“I’m sorry” fills the breath of my every sigh

 

The absolute sight of your disappearance

door shut, vibrations from the wall rippled

sorrow echoed in your disappointment

I stood strong with my decision yet

tumbling down when you walked away

 because I fear love more than I loved you

 

 

 

I am No One’s Angel

Please remove the halo you’ve placed on my head

I am no one’s angel

Pack your assumptions of first impressions else where

I refuse to be your angel

Pardon my temptations, I’ve forsaken you

 I am the fallen angel

Pleasure my insecurities of truth disguised as beautiful lies

I need you to see my demons, you are my angel

Pause the thoughts of possibilities for I am not ready

I want to be so much more than your angel

Push me off the cliff of your heart

I want to bleed as the fallen angel

Punish me for I’ve done you wrong

I’m sorry I can’t be your angel

Please remove the halo you’ve placed on my head

I am no one’s angel